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ZaltzmanBrand

Christopher G. Rodriguez was at university studying chemistry and art history when it happened; he went to an Andy Zaltzman gigs to benefit homeless children. The fateful event, 18 August, 1999, was during Andy’s brief experiment in shock humour, and when he took the stage that night, he did so in nothing but an eye patch and Triregnum (papal crown). The chaos which ensued throughout the subsequent three and a half hours resulted in 12 injuries and half a million pounds worth of damage to public property. During the subsequent police inquiry, Andy lamented that his act was like a new defective line of buses; "you wait ages for it to be developed, and is considered a tragedy if children are involved in their destruction."

For Rodriguez, the next five years would be difficult. Before the event, he was considered one of the most promising young minds in his field, and was lined up for an impressive position with military technology developing firm. Afterwards he could barely make it through a day without succumbing to a panic attack and, on bad days, couldn’t dress himself. But after years of counseling, he finally decided to use his terrifying experience to ensure it never happened again.

Thus was born, Zaltzman Brand Pants, a semi-not-for-profit company that donates 98 per cent of its profits to public service projects advising everyone to wear underpants in public. Andy agreed to pose for a series of advertisements for the program, as part of the court ordered community service in penance for the incident that spawned the whole ordeal, asking only for a tiger-striped suit so he could match his daughter. The Zaltzman Brand Pants Inc. has subsequently folded due to the credit crunch and using Andy as their principal modal, but the message remains present in the public consciousness in western parts of Estonia and a large section of North Dakota.

Corporate Leadership of Zaltzman Brand PantsEdit

PresidentEdit

  • Fmr. Vice President Al Gore (1903-1754 BC)
  • Andy's Mom (1754 BC-1221 AD)
  • Pope John Paul II (interim) (1221-2009)
  • Christopher Walken (2009)

CEOEdit

  • Tony Danza (1903-1902 BC)
  • Harriet Tubman (1902 BC-1376 AD)
  • A bunch of ne'er-do-wells (1376-1957)
  • Susan Boyle (1957-2002)
  • A deep-fried Twinkie Snack Cake (2002-2007)
  • Sacajawea (2007-Present)

Unofficial Andy Zaltzman ImpersonatorEdit

  • The Muffin Man (1903 BC-2009 AD)
  • Jesus
  • George H.W. Bush (much to his consternation)

Official SloganEdit

  • The official slogan, as chosen by Andy, was the Latin pun “semper ubi sub ubi” (“always wear underwear”).

'Backup Slogan The backup slogan, which was never meant for public use was simply, "I've no idea what I'm wearing."

Fuck you Chris

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