The Bugle Index Page

A group of hardore Buglers decided one day to go through each Bugle and list down the the memorable, jokes, phrases, puns, and moments of the Bugle and now this dream is becoming a reality.

Long jokes have the start time next to them.

Reoccurring Jokes/Characters

• The American : Ep. 2, 7, 14, 15, 19, 23, 27, 33, 42, 50, 55, 63, 87, 99, 109, 139, 158a
• Producer Tom: Ep 115 (blamed for email problem), 120
• Producer Chris: Ep 115, Recent Decents May 2010, 116, 117, 119
• Pun runs Ep. 48, 117 (Dog Puns), 126 (Pasta Puns), 133 (Asian Country Puns), 170 and 171 (Greek Puns), 172 (Latin Writers), 213 (US Presidents)
• John Singing Ep.14, 33, 80.5 (Regulate) 85 (Holding Out for a Hero), 93 (Build Me Up Buttercup), 100 (Enter Sandman), 113 (Puppy Love), 114 (Anarchy in the UK), 117 (Reprise of Build Me Up Buttercup), 126 (Let's Talk About Sex), 154 (Bump n' Grind)...
• Andy calling Jesus guilty Ep. 4
• John's film career.
• Things that look like a penis (or other genitalia) : Ep 116, 119
• Andy uses his classics degree: Ep 115
• Andy's offspring and/or parenting: Ep 116
• John meets a celebrity and/or tells about a Daily Show shoot: Ep 116, 117, 118
• Bad Jew.
• Andy's bin .
• Hotties from History: Ep Recent Decents May 2010
• Sportsmen Acting Crazy
  • Plaxico Burress
  • Chad Ochocinco
  • Delonte West
• Crazy or Corrupt World Leaders.
  • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
  • Silvio Berlusconi: Ep 115
  • Hugo Chavez: Ep 5, 7
  • Colonel Gaddafi
  • Kim Jong-il and/or Kim Jong-un: Ep 116, 119
  • Hosni Mubarak
  • Robert Mugabe: Ep 116
• Listener email: unusual experiences while listening to the Bugle.
• Fuckeulogy.
• The Soundproof Safe.
• The Gospel according to St Bullshit: Ep 137 (St Shelley)
• Listener music remixes.

Issue 1: How like Vietnam is Iraq?

• "If you really want to know how many balls to say Iraq is like Vietnam, it takes 3 balls" -John

• "There are more suicides during party confrences then at any other time of the year. That is a lie but my point stands." -Andy
• "A lot of people marry for love I think this is weak..." 10:01
• Armenia and the Genocide that wasn't... 12:13
• Andy's missing bin in the letter of St. Paul.... 13:46
• "The issue of human rights is more difficult than before because, there are more humans in the world, but unfortunatly there are the same numbers of rights to go around, so don't blame the government, blame maths." -Andy
• Crisp manufacturers putting to much salt in crisps... 22:27
• One song ipod.... 24:24
• Terrorist literature choice... 26:34

Issue 2: The Empire Strikes Back

• "We (Britain) did far, far worse things than America could even dream of doing, But we did it with a certain gentle manly swagger" John
• Antarctica fact box
• "We claimed we are going in there for scientific research,we just want to scientifically research how much oil we can get out of there, and maybe scientifically research how much money we can get paid for that oil. I don't see whats so hard for them to understand, there are going to be graphs.. There are going to be graphs.
• Swearing Spectacular
• First appearance of The American 15:00
• Johnny Wilkinson RWC world cup comentary 23:36
• Woles first appearance for the Tantrum Throwing Competition 25:44

Issue 3: California's Burning

• Global Warming is unamerican ....2:03 (Main Story)
• Al Gore Ruler of the earth...3:07
• "These are the greatest days for exaggerations in the history of planet earth" John
• Andy's first exchange rate joke...8:05
• "Like an hungry South African carnivore, spotting a sausage shop down a side street, things have taken a turn for the wurst" Andy's first Pun.
• Belt Busting Breakfast Burrito...13:50
• Martin Yole's unbelievable Pressure routine... 20:19

Issue 4: Immigrant's Song

• Main story: Immigration Eveywhere... 1:55-12:18

• • Tabloids reporting on a woman smuggling in immigrants in her stomach... 3:22
  • Immigration factbox ...5:10
• Writers Guild strike: Andy makes a joke, labeled scab... 14:20
• Donald Rumsfeld's snowflakes / bumper stickers... 15:22
• Bugle Comment!: Westboro Baptist Church picketing soldier's funerals... 19:25
  • "Do they hate gay people? Yes, yes they do. I think they've proven that time and time again. Do they hate gay people to the tune of $11 million?" -John
• Bugle Newsfeature on Fuel/Biofuel/Alternative Enegry... 21:17
  • "In Britian, we've always been pioneers of alternative energies and we were the first nation in the world to use Catholics as a fuel. Fact." -Andy
• First instance of Andy calling Jesus guilty
• Travel Supplement!: Why not visit Pakistan this week?... 29:00

Issue 5: 110 Per Cent Behind Musharraf

• Bush tells Musharaf to relinquish control of the army...3:52
• Musharaf sarcastic slamming...4:40
• Pakistan quiz...5:15
• "What part of gift of democracy are these people struggling to understand!" -John
• Andy's first suggestive complement of the queen...9:17
• "It is the queens english, if she wants it to sound nasal and boring, nasal and boring it must sound."- John
• Second exchange rate joke...
• "You can't put a price on a statement like that... well you can and that is 240,000 pounds"- John (on Tony Blairs speech in China)
• King Juan Carlos of Spain tell Hugo Chavez to shut up.... 15:24
• Food scares and dangerous toys...16:23
• Date Rape Toys...18:42
• Total and Utter Fighting Championships...26:54

Issue 7: 25 million people missing

• ====Main Story: UK government loses 25 million peoples files in the post. 02:14====
• Andy: The Queen should cut her own head off! 05:38
• John: "I shred the leftovers of every meal I eat, it's messy but it's safe." 07:40
• ====Next Story: Phenominal drop in violence in Iraq 08:55====
• John: "The Whitehouse does now seem to be using the Presidents incompetence as its sole defence." 10:58
• Hugo Chavez News 10:58
• Juan Carlos telling Chavez to 'Shut up' becomes spanish ringtone.
• ====Ask an American! 15:55====
• ====Sport: English football is dead. 23:25 ====
• Commemorative boo 25:47
• Audio cryptic crossword: 24 across 28:30
• Bugle Forecast 29:12

Issue 14: Money, Money, Money

John sings money by Rick James (01:42)

Main Story (01:55)

Is the world on the brink of economic meltdown?

• Another exchange rate joke (03:10)
• John "The US sneezed its economic balls off" (03:55)
• John "The french could be the most powerful people in the world if they all kept themselves to themselves" (08:35)

Resignation News (08:40)

• Andy "£100000 could buy a seventeen second long presidential campaign" (10:08)

Middle East Update (11:00)

• Gaza goes on an explosive shopping trip

Mitt Romney factbox (12:50)

• Andy "If you do get in a wrestling match with a pig, these are the steps you should take. ..." (16:33)

Emails

• John announces he is a 'complete convert' to Hotties from History (26:05)
• Mother Teresa Hotties Nomination (28:36)

Issue 24: Was Stonehenge an ancient taxdodge?

THE BEST EMAIL EVER!

Issue 34: You Will Know Us By Our Knobbly Fruit

"If you were a biscuit, what type of biscuit would you be?"

"If you wern't a cunt, what type of job would you have?"

Issue 104: Valentines Day Special

Link to mp3

Issue 104a: Where is John?

Link to mp3

Issue 105: Back off our islands Argentina!

Link to mp3

Issue 106: The American right to flip the bird

Link to mp3

Issue 107: An Ethics Special

Link to mp3

Issue 108: Eyes on Africa

Link to mp3

Issue 109: In Rude Health

Link to mp3

11:05 And Minority Leader Boehner has responded to this by saying "I know many Americans are angry over this health care bill and that Washington Democrats just aren't listening, but as I've said, violence and threats are unnacceptable. Thats not the American way."  Oh, really?  Try telling that to anyone wearing a red coat in Boston in the late 1700s. Cuz it sure as shit felt like it was the American way then. As the crowd surged towards you with a barrel of tar and a bag of feathers. No, I'm not over it!

Issue 110: Britain Holds Its Breath

Link to mp3

Issue 111: Some Seroiously Bad Pope-ing

Link to mp3

Issue 112: Birthday Party! Super Best Friends Invited!

Link to mp3

Issue 113: Countdown to Vote-ageddon

Link to mp3

Issue 114: Waking Up In A Different Britain

Link to mp3

Issue 115: Five more years of this

Link to mp3

The UK has a government again! Andy: "So they get to be in government, despite having missed the biggest sitting duck since the 35 stone Hawaiian sumo wrestler Konishiki dressed up like a mallard for a pond awareness campaign photo shoot but fell asleep in an armchair."

No email and it's TOM'S FAULT.

Pitch invasions by fans of the Philadelphia Phillies, and an excellent baseball-related double bird.

The Bugle: Recent Decents - May 2010

Link to mp3

Assembled by Producer Chris.

Long introduction: Italian food, Italian roadkill, other roadkill.

Feature: Sleep and the risks of not getting enough.

British political parties that are amazingly not bullshit.

Limited overs cricket.

Boobquake!

Email: ceremony to commemorate Florence Nightingale, proposed Hotties from History gathering.

Issue 116: Freeze The Oil

Link to mp3

Andy's daughter Mathilda and how Andy gets her to eat.

John meets the US soccer team that will play at the World Cup for the Daily Show.

Andy tells about a historical belch.

Top story: Oil slick on the Louisiana coast. Measuring oil in milk jugs. Or, say, cricket bats. Producer Chris does essential research.

Robert Mugabe sending an ark of African animals to Kim Jong Il.

Email: London 2102 Olympics mascots that look like penises.

Email: Request for John to record a Bugle alarm clock.

Email: The Bugle as an exam revision tool.

Issue 117: She bored'er colleagues

Link to mp3

John meets the granddaughter of W.C. Fields. The timelessness of stupid jokes. Make The Bugle hereditary.

Top story: Israel boards/storms a ship resupplying Gaza.

Joke political party in Iceland is elected.

Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson are planning a huge concert in Australia for dogs.

PUN RUN: dog puns.

Scientists on coffee. Massive use of coffee by both John and Andy. Chris does research on what little milk pots are called.

Email: Calculating the oil spill in terms of cricket bats.

Email: student in Wisconsin paints John and Andy.

Email: Bugler writes from Antarctica. Reprise of Build Me Up Buttercup from Bugle 93.

Issue 118: World Cup Special

Link to mp3

Introduction: World Cup! John will be in Johannesburg.

Top Story: Preview of England vs the USA in the World Cup! John has pretaped three different Daily Show segments for the three possible outcomes. 

Bugle Classic World Cup Commentaries: 1954 World Cup Final: Germany v Hungary.

Bugle Classic World Cup Commentaries: 1986 World Cup Quarterfinal: Mexico v Argentina featuring Diego Maradona.

Preview: English Hooligans v South African Police Force.

Bugle World Cup Quiz! Includes traces of fact. Andy: "This is a fact...of sorts."

Great World Cup Moments

Forecast: Who will win the World Cup?

Issue 119: Oil Never Do It Again

Link to mp3

Andy: "the first Bugle ever to be recorded during a World Cup."

Top Story: Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Producer Chris does real-time wikipedia research on whether halibut eat plankton.

Minerals found in Afghanistan, and Gen. Petraeus faints before Congress.

Shittest World Cup ever! North Korea reports on its national football team's performance; John and Andy compare this to Kim Jong-il's golf skill. The ball being used in the World Cup sucks.

27:10 Vuvuzela discussion. Andy is not a fan.

Email: USA vs England: "F**k you and your butterfingers goalie! USA! USA!"

Email: Massive wang drawn on a bridge in St Petersberg.

31:00-34:35 Email: A listener offers to make the Bugle official sponsor of his wedding. Discussion ensues.

34:35 Email: Best first sentence of a news story.

Condolences to sound engineer Paul whose basketball team lost some kind of championship thingy.

The Times puts the Bugle web page behind a paywall. 

Issue 120: McChrystal Balls

Link to mp3

The Bugle is passing the 70 hour mark!

Top Story: General Stanley McChrystal complains about the running of the war in Afghanistan and it's published in Rolling Stone. Oops. Includes an excellent bird. Andy quotes General David Petraeus giving an interview to a magazine for teenage girls.

Pensions in the UK public sector. 

Booboo news: Islamic cleric says a man drinking a woman's breast milk makes them family. Theological discussion ensues.

World Cup is less shit now! Especially because the French have been hilariously bad. Exclusive English-language commentary on the French performance.

Tom the Producer drops by to talk about the World Cup, take the piss out of England, and say fuck you, Chris.

Email: Suggested highly Bugle-influenced wedding vows.

Sport: Wikipedia vandalism affecting golfer Graeme McDowell. Extremely long tennis game and other long sporting events.

Issue 121: I spy with my little eye..

Link to mp3

Issue 122: Donald Trump in drag

Link to mp3

Issue 122a: History of the World Part 1

Link to mp3

Issue 122b: History of the World Part 2

Link to mp3

Issue 122g: History of the World Part 3

Link to mp3

Issue 122d: History of the World Part 4

Link to mp3

Issue 123: That clock is pimped out!

Link to mp3

Issue 124: Brazilliant!

Link to mp3

Issue 125: Donor Fatigue

Link to mp3

Issue 126: Let's talk about peace, baby

Link to mp3

Issue 127: 12 Friends and 1 Champion

Link to mp3

Issue 128: UN-couth

Link to mp3

Issue 129: Kim Jong Unbelievable

Link to mp3

Issue 130: Fire Sale

Link to mp3

Issue 131: A Miner Celebration

Link to mp3

Issue 132: Massive Cuts

Link to mp3

Issue 132 and a bit: Cut for a reason

Link to mp3

Issue 132 and an old bit: No Bugle

Link to mp3

Issue 133: Backwang Forever

Link to mp3

Issue 134: Royal Wedding Souvenir Edition

Link to mp3

Issue 135: Kim Jong il-conceived

Link to mp3

Issue 136: Do I Not Leak That

Link to mp3

Issue 137: Crazies Special

Link to mp3

Issue 138: A Christmas Bugle!

Link to mp3

Issue 138a: More Old Gold

Link to mp3

Issue 138b: Review of 2010

Link to mp3

Issue 139: *Spoiler alert* 2011 Preview Special

Link to mp3

-Britain to allow public to submit bills to parliament

-Dead bird news

-The American

Issue 140: The Divorce of a Nation

Link to mp3

Issue 141: Tunisia is Revolting

Link to mp3

Issue 142: Egypt Erupts

Link to mp3

Issue 143: Egypt crisis - a good time to buy a jumper

Link to mp3

Issue 144: No Going Mubarak

Link to mp3

Issue 144a: Lowlights 2011

• "Some shit bits that weren't good enough to go on recent shows" - Andy
• (19:20) Chris says that Andy and John don't love us as much as he does, and he can "barely, barely hold back the contempt I have for you at the best of times". Fuck you Chris.

Link to mp3

Issue 145: Libyeah or Libyna

• First ever Bugle from Asia, first Bangalore Bugle.

• British imperialism bit

• 400 Years to the day since Swiss King Olaf The Weird inadvertently discovered skiing

• As many Bugles as flavors of ice cream at John the Baptist's 5th birthday party
• Top Story: Unrest Update; Libyikes!
• Gaddafi bits
• "[Gaddafi] is like Puff Daddy or Madonna, Andy. When you've been in power for as long as he has, you have to keep re-inventing yourself so that you stay relevant and people don't get bored" - John
• Silvio Berlusconi news (23:45)
• "We've all got our Hosni Mubarak excuses" - Andy
• Leadership birthday news (26:20)
• Robert Mugabe turned 87 this week. Sent a cermonial 87 "fuck you"s from the rest of the planet
• Uganda news (28:10)
• Bugle feature section: travel! (30:05)
• British imperialism reference

Link to mp3

Issue 146: Long over-Jew

Link to mp3

Issue 146a: Lowerlights 2011

Link to mp3

Issue 147: Man Versus Nature

Link to mp3

Issue 147a: Zaltman, live from Dhaka

Link to mp3

Issue 147b: More Salztman, live from Dhaka

Link to mp3

Issue 148: Mayhem Update

Link to mp3

Issue 149: #crucifybieber

Link to mp3

Issue 150: Royal Wedding Preview

Link to mp3

Issue 151: Regal Bugle

Link to mp3

Issue 152: Compromised to a permanent end

Link to mp3

Issue 153: Wake Up, Gaddafi

Link to mp3

Issue 154: Keep it in your pants

Link to mp3

Issue 155: The Queen is on fire!

Link to mp3

Issue 156: Who's Tailin' Palin?

Link to mp3

Issue 157: Reacting like a coiled donut

Link to mp3

Issue 158: Hot Rod & Dragster Strike Out

Link to mp3

Issue 158a: Trully Offal

Link to mp3

Issue 159: Everything Must Go!

Link to mp3

Issue 160: News Out Of This World

Link to mp3

Issue 161: Hacking: A self esteem issue

Link to mp3

Issue 162: Making a mountain out of a mountain

Link to mp3

Issue 163: Debt To America

Link to mp3

Issue 163a: Too Offal

Link to mp3

Issue 164: Ich Bin Ein Hulkmaniac

Link to mp3

Issue 165: Bashar goes to Madcon 1

Link to mp3

Issue 166: Gaddafi's Last Bugle?

Link to mp3

Issue 166a: We're back, Andy

Link to mp3

Issue 166b: This offal tastes funny

Link to mp3

Issue 166g: Offal Edinburgher

Link to mp3

Issue 167: Berlusconi: Hard to swallow

Link to mp3

Leaders Special #1: Silvio Berlusconi

Link to mp3

Leaders Special #2L Mahmood Ahmadinejad

Link to mp3

Issue 168: Streets of Rage

Link to mp3

Issue 169: Captain Crazy corks it

Link to mp3

Issue 170: It's time to ban slap bass

Link to mp3

Issue 171: A Greek Tragedy

link to mp3

Issue 172: Berlusconi bows out

Link to mp3

Issue 173: Techno! Techno! Technocrat!

Link to mp3

Issue 173a: Turkey Offal

Link to mp3

Issue 174: Britain's Back Baby!

Link to mp3

Issue 175: Putin the boot in

Link to mp3

Issue 176: Deep Space Nine

Link to mp3

The Best of 2011: Part 1

Link to mp3

The Best of 2011: Part 2

Link to mp3

Issue 177: Weapons of mass election

Link to mp3

Issue 178: The Final Countdown

Link to mp3