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Penguins are small birds that hate human beings and eat sharks.

Penguin War Edit

Penguins are the most pressing threat to human race.  Their war for domination of the planet has been raging for decades yet the only advance the penguins have been able to make is to take the American city of New York.  Several other splinter groups have taken to hiding in "zoos".

Scotland's involvement in the war has been paramount to the human defense of Earth.  Lead by Tom the Producer, the Scottish special forces have been keeping the black and white menace red all over. 

Since 93% of all penguins are, in fact, John Oliver, John is mathematically 93% a penguin.  This has required Tom the Producer to not allow John into the one true Bugle Studio except on the full moon, when John's powers are depleted.

Since the escalation of the conflict with the Bugle, the Penguins have signed a crucial non-agression pact with the Bin-Impala Confederacy, which has allowed them to focus on kidnapping Tom the Producer from Scotland, without the fear of the Bad-Jew-Menace, as he is called by them.

Fuck you Chris

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