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Kim Jong-il

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Kim takes a relaxing stroll in his palace

Kim Jong-"Captain Crazy"-il has remainded illustrious head of the Worker's Party of Korea and Bugle favourite since 1994 when he was first named as 'World's worst guardian of nuclear weapons'. After building his career as a world class gymnast before a tragic knee injury before the 1980 Moscow olympics which thrust him into professional lunacy. He maintains close links with other world despots such as Hugo Chavez, Robert Mugabe, David Cameron and Chris the producer. However his relationship with Vladimir Putin is frosty after Kim saved the Russian premier from a sea turtle by snapping its neck with his muscular gymnast's thighs and emasculating the ex-KGB thug infront of the worlds media. In an attempt to even the score Mr Putin shot a whale with a crossbow which was about to eat Kim Jong-il's pleasure yacht

Kim Jong-il's secret dossier.Edit

  • Kim has been a known to supply the Impala armed forces with weapons and operatives to aid in their ongoing dispute with Andy Zaltzmann.
  • He has only one facebook friend; the president of South Korea
  • Statistically he is 0.004% John Oliver
  • The swiss army knife was presciently invented so Kim would have a tool to get the capitalism out of his teeth.
  • He is the only know person to complete the Audio Cryptic Crossword
  • He is allergic to all metal cutlery
  • 90% of all North Korea's oil imports go towards his personal grooming
  • The 2006 nuclear test was actually just the result of a particularly potent curry in a confined bunker
  • Tom has been frequently running capitalist ideals into North Korea against Kim's wishes from his Indonesian base
  • Kim celebrates Easter by hiding landmines in his garden and letting chilren try to find them, any who survive are rewarded with a military parade then told to piss off back to their sweatshops
  • Since 1986 he has been sponsored by loreal
  • He isn't worth it
  • Fuck you Chris
  • John Oliver's 'The Love Guru' is the only film he ever watches apart from the one where he is riding a horse
  • Kim has his portraits made 50ft tall and haning from palaces because hes very longsighted and must sit far away to view them
  • Kim acquired his hatred of America after severe brain damage caused by playing a drinking game involving 'Bad Boys' character Mike Lowery

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