Geo-Vocational Osmosis (GVO) is an exceedingly rare condition in which a person can perform feats they have previously had neither training nor experience doing.
The Condition’s History[]
The condition first appeared in legendary and/or divine beings sometime after the dawn of time. Olympian bossman and hottie from history, Zeus and Norse giant Thor, both developed the ability to throw lightning bolts at mortals after spending a summer vacationing with the Thunderbirds from North America. And having been alive for most of his life, Jesus Christ was able to return to said state of being despite being crucified and buried for several days.
After a few millennia, cases of GVO appeared in flesh-and-blood mortals, leading many to surmise that the cross-sexing perpetrated by many gods, (principally by Zeus) was responsible for the introduction of the condition to the masses.
Known Cases[]
The first known case of GVO was the Byzantine Emperor Niccerphorus II (reigned 963-969). Other individuals thought to have had the condition are:
- Magnus Barefoot (Norse King),
- Mi Fu (Chinese poet, painter and calligrapher)
- Isaac ibn Ghiyyat (rabbi)
- Niccolo Machiavelli (political philosopher).
- Popes Sylvester II and Leos VII and IX (Popes)
- Michelangelo “Mickey Paintbrush” Buonauroti (madman painter/sculptor)
The last known instance of GVO was thought to have happened in late 15th century India, with the scholar Nanak, who, after growing up next to a Hindu shrine, decided to found the religion of Sikhism.
Also of note is that many of those people who have had GVO, lived in the 11th Century CE, and the term geo-vocational osmosis would certainly have been unknown to them. They would of course have used terminology that is way beyond us and our pitiful modern concepts of language.
Sarah Palin: Vice-Presidential Osmosis[]
Though the condition was thought to have become extinct in mortal humans, the American Republican party has suggested that it still exists, as shown by their Vice-Presidential nominee for 2008, Sarah Palin. They have hinted that she has GVO and are campaigning under this assumption, saying that this allows her to have equal, or even superior, foreign policy experience then her democrat rivals. They claim this because she has been the Governor of Alaska for over a year, which is the closest American state to Russia.
Experts claim that this is just a lie, saying that it is more likely a hastily improvised tactic to cover-up Palin’s lack of experience in said field. But to quote Andy Zaltzman out of context; “No Smoke Without a Fire.”
Other Examples[]
- John Oliver beating Steve Sampras at tennis
- George Bush being elected
- France (when Julius Ceasar took a vacation with Vercingetorix )
- Santa Claus (went on vacation, he ate a lot and got fat, got sunburned and got red got drunk and went on a murderous rampage, was abducted by elves and since then he suddenly gained the ability to make reindeer fly, he atoned for his wickedness
- Churchill couldn't sting a sentence together
- John Mcain (living)
- Nick Griffin being decent (rumor has it he was a good boy)
Fuck you Chris