Resistance is Futile
The Fact-Off is a semi-regular section of The Bugle, between the hosts in order to determine who is more British. It is an impromptu section that is thrown in whenever a fact is disputed between John and Andy. What follows are a few tense moments whilst someone, sometimes multiple someones, checks the disputed fact on Wikipedia, then a period of ungracious celebration by the winner, and an eventual return to the subject at hand. Is there latent anti-Semitism and childish name calling? YOU BET!
At the first Fact-Off Andy hinted that he generally won the Fact-Offs and that John’s victory was a sizable anomaly. Subsequent Fact-Offs seem to substantiate that claim, as illustrated by a full three-quarters of the official Fact-Offs going to Andy.
Known Occurrences of the Fact-OffEdit
- In which House of Parliament the Queen's Speech takes place; Lords or Commons.
- John: Lords
- Andy: Commons
- Which Australian Prime Minister felt-up the Queen.
- John: John Howard
- Andy: Paul Keating
- -While both politicians touched up the monarch, initially the win was given to John, though in a later issue he conceded the point to Andy after an Australian bugler wrote in clarifying the issue.
- Whether or not Michael Dukakis is still alive.
- John: Dead
- Andy: Alive
- Whether Cecil Chubb indeed bought Stonehenge.
- John: No
- Andy: Yes
Arguments not explicitly stated to be a fact-off but that fit the profile.
- The correct pronunciation on the American State, "Arkansas."
- John: AR-can-saw
- Andy: Ar-KAN-zis
- The offical designation for natives of Bosnia.
- John: Bosnians
- Andy: Bosniaks
- Note: that while both are acceptable, the Bugle has decided that Bosniaks is now the correct term.
Fact-Offs Redacted from the Bugle by the Swiss GovernmentEdit
- Which British singer-songwriter is famous for their songs "John, There's An Awful Lot Wrong With A Little Bump and Grind", "The Greatest Thing There Is (Andy's Wig)", "The First Satire Podcast Rock and Roll Star", and "I Seduced Her, She's Tom The Producer, Screwed That Bitch All Ni-Yight"?
- John: Gavin Osborn
- Andy: ABBA
- Note: It was later discovered that Gavin Osborn's song "Those Children at the Rec in Luton" had infringed copyright laws, and the 30-year-old whimsical folk singer from Bedford had to pay 56,000 dollars (37 Euros) in damages to Marc Bolan of the 70s group 'Tyrannasaurus Rex' - later shortened to 'Tyra-X'. Tom the Producer from the Fact-Off Underlying-Issue Complaints Komittee (F.U.C.K) decided that the question should be annuled from the Fact-Off. }}}
- Note Also: John was furious, and along with Former President Bush, he declared war on Crystal Palace. Andy managed to convince John to call a truce by doing his not-world-famous impression of private gynacologist Orange Juice Fudd Nuggets Simpson - commonly known as OJ Simpson - giving birth. Both Buglers agreed to delete this 4 year long Bugle Episode from the Times Online website in May 1945.
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Fuck you Chris