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Colonel Gaddafi

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Gaddafi: 'Note, have that photographer killed'

Colonel Muammar 'Tripped out in Tripoli' Gaddafi has ruled over Libya for over 40 years despite having a totally melted face and has moved between valuable trade partner and turbo whackjob with surprising regularity. After starring on 'Libya's got talent' and performing a heartening rendition of 'I will survive' many people thought he was joking although it has since emerged that he was deadly serious and took his success in the contest a little too far, going on to de-stabilise the region the most since that moses character tried to bust the jews out of an ill advised contract for unpaid eternal servitude. Colonel Gaddafi's home town has since been turned into a shrine to both him and his favourite hottie from history Eva Braun which has caused him to break off diplomatic relations with Andy Zaltzmann; the shrine/town features a 500ft wide tunnel to Harare to allow Gaddafi to link up with fellow africa ruiner Robert Mugabe, a science lab dedicated entirely to putting his face back into some sort of human conditon, and a fountain which projects 200 gallons of bacon juices per minute to tempt any nearby jews into realising that pigs are delicious. When attending the WWE madfuck battle royale in 2009 Gaddafi was humiliatingly knocked out by Hugo Chavez who exploited a critical weakness with his left elbow and also cheated by using a nailgun, however not wanting to appear a sore loser Gaddafi had only half of all venezuelans in Libya brutally murdered. This fortunatly ended in only three fatalities, the hosts of Libya's only spanish language game show 'Rueda de la Mentira' and a duck in a sombrero. In response to the 2011 protests calling for democratic government Gaddafi gracefully stepped down to an interim governemt and handed over all assets and oil reserves (even i can't do this much bullshit; Gaddafi went apeshit on his people like a penguin in a fishmonger, if that penguin was armed with $300 million of British made weapons)

Colonel Gaddafi's possible facts.Edit

  • Gaddafi's beret is made from the scrotum of his defeated enemies
  • He has yet to take a side in the ongoing Tom-Penguin conflict although having Tom as an ally in Australasia would play into his plans to attach a grappling hook to Australia and pull Libya away from Europe
  • Gaddafi has 5 balls but each is made of a different noble gas
  • Gaddafi once met John Oliver in New York but he was mistaken for a flaffel vendor a snub which has caused him to request John be extradited for immediate skin flaying and sarcastic comments
  • Gaddafi is ready for HD
  • His personal bodyguard consists of 17 ukranian nurse 6 ex-spetznaz commandos and a chuck norris impersonator
  • It is rumored that Gaddafi cause the gulf of mexico oil spill to promote his book '1 use for seagulls'
  • Gaddafi called for an immediate blocade of Indonesia after he got some aloe vera shampoo in his eye but then cancelled it after he realised it was quite far away
  • Gaddafi fucks Chris
  • Andy Zaltzmann has placed Colonel Gaddafi on his own 'Axis of Evil' along with Celine Dion, Heston Blumenthal and the guy from the Go compare advert
  • Colonel Gaddafi is Magneto
  • Gaddafi once shut his face in a breville sandwich maker
  • Gaddafi posts regularly on his twitter feed but most of it is just a meaningless list of ingredients, he thinks its an automated supermarket
  • Gaddafi was killed in 1986 and replaced with a plastic robot, ill advised in such a hot country
  • Gaddafi DOES simply walk into Mordor
  • Gaddafi celebrates all jewish holidays just to confuse people
  • The U.N does not recognise Gaddafi's moustache as a legal facial accessory
  • The League of international woodland creatures (L.I.W.C) has declared Libya a rogue state but it is widely believed that they are acting on behalf of the Israeli sharks and marine predators association (I.S.M.P.A)
  • Gaddafi is currently attempting a world record, most time spent speaking without forming a coherant sentance
  • 70% of the world's Ceasium in distributed around Libya in statues of Gaddafi, if it ever rains the shit will hit the fan
  • Gaddafi is a level 69 Paladin
  • The leader of the rebels is a level 70 Paladin
  • Colonel Gaddafi is a subscriber to the Washington journal of crazy statues and buildings
  • Gaddafi's statue of his fist crushing a fighter plane has been rejected by the turner prize committee on the grounds that it is too usefull to be art, it can be used to literally crush protestors.
  • Gaddafi holds the only known surviving Bugle of Jericho and intends to use it to bring down the Zaltzmann-Oliver empire by exposing bugles as really just trumpets that are harder to play
  • 5 time Libyan ballroom dance champion (145, 10:10)

Chris was armed with the $300 million of British made weapons that Gaddafi bought. Fuck you Chris

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