Canada

Canada is a nation of British people wanting to be American, French people wanting to be different, and Natives wanting to kick the rest of them out.

Things that make Canadian people different from American

• Health Care ((see illustration to right))

  

  Tee Canadian way

• Beer
• Hockey (it was two French guys whacking a cow pat, with shovels on a frozen lake.)
• Igloos the home of nearly all Canadians
• Saying "Eh"

Canadian Canada is happy that it has such a massive land except the natives. But no one gives a flying F%*ck about them.

Geography and that other stuff

Canada is the second largest nation in the world. That is pretty much their only claim of fame. 90% of Canada lives on 10% of the land and that is on the U.S. border. There are many little known stories about Canadian people who walk into the U.S. for holidays. All those massive Islands are not solid. They are slowly floating towards Alaska. The trajectories of these islands are aimed to smash it into Russia. The Canadian government are in talks with the Russian mafia/government (same thing).

The Americans are unconcerned, because the best it can do is Sarah Palin and even the Americans can’t stomach her.

So they are not going to bother to do anything. Russia will sell it to us for:

• Help creating a beaver blood Vodka
• How to make beer
• Help creating a beaver blood Vodka
• Free passage to the NHL
• Help with how to cover embarrassing situations

"Up North" in Canada is considered 20K past the border but no one really knows except those who live there no one really cares about them.

Climate

Canada is F%$king cold.

History

The actual French went there to get the edge on the British and the Fledgling Bugle Empire. They arrived in Canada and promptly froze their arses off. The natives took pity on the poor white men. They fed them, clothed them, cured their diseases, helped them grow food, and helped them find shelter. The French returned the favour and showed their gratitude by dry humping them into the ground. They launched a surprise attack but soon like everything the French did it backfired. Soon it was double hump. The French would massacre and then be immediately be re-massacred. The thing is though that war was on one tribe the Iroquois. The Huron

The Canadian Army hasn't changed since we beat the French eh but if it worked then it should work now

were helping the French after the Iroquois crashed the stock market by making to many beaver hats. The British decided that it looked like fun and did the exact same thing. They got crushed by old man winter (Tom’s old job) got helped by the Natives and dry humped them again. The Iroquois came to the aid of the British and the greatest grudge match war ever ensued. French vs Britain Iroquois vs Huron. The British won the war, the Huron were f@*ked off the face of the earth and England then turned on the Iroquois and humped them out of existence. Soon after Canadian identity set in, and the Americans invaded, but after 3 days they were so drunk and bored they went home. After that nothing has really happened the end.

(True Story)

People

The French

French people in Canada are annoying. The Government Forces all Canadians to learn French but it doesn’t force the French to learn English. Therefore they speak both French and English badly. After losing the battle of The Plains Of Abraham they went home and gorged themselves on fries gravy and that extra cheese that French people make for no real reason. This became a national dish called Poutine.

This proves that:

• The French are nothing more than the diarrhoea of a massive Brit gone wrong (POOtine) and yes that’s how it’s spelt (diarrhea)
• Communist (Vladimir Poutine)
• Crazy (Gregory RasPOUTINE)
• Cannot be trusted (no one trusts Russians)

Canadian People

They are a nation of beer drinking Hockey loving people. They are polite but immature. They take their shoes off at the door. Enough said.

Canadians (real Canadians not the French ones) treat Canada like their backyard,

• Bullying people (natives)
• Going out drunk on ski-doos naked before the ice is fully frozen, (not smart),
• skinny dipping in frozen lakes,
• owning cottages, and drinking
• Tim-Horton’s Coffee (our national pass time.)

I don’ know why but no one care and you probably skipped the whole thing any way. And If not good for you, you brain is probably nearly filled with pointless shit but if you're Canadian you probably have nothing to do anyway. So get a life sunshine.

Fuck you Chris