Cricket is a "game" invented in 1991 by Chris the Producer for the movie King Ralph in which John Goodman goes to London and shows everyone how silly they sound.
Confusion and Controversy Edit
Americans have raised concerns and shaken their corncob pipes at the Bugle for never taking the time to explain the sport of Cricket. Recent outrage has finally alerted Rush Limbaugh who was not reported as saying "This, this GAME will never be popular anywhere other then that LITTLE ISLAND. Now, back to me wanting to buy an NFL team I have publicly mocked...".
Average American's Understanding of Cricket Edit
There is little know on the thoughts of the american on the sport of cricket as it is often difficult to extract any information of value out of an American. However it is commonly believed that they have little comprehension of any sport other than baseball, as they believe Football is a failed version of Rugby. However the historian Dr. Peter Clarke from the university of Bristol believes that the confusion dates back to 1976 where Chris the Producer tried to explain the game to a group of americans and said "well it's like baseball". Fuck you Chris!
"Its Arr-kin-saw, say it right. Now what was I sayin? Oh yeah, Cricket (Soccer as it is known here in the US) is played by men in golf getups, you know, with the cleeted shoes and stuff. They go out on a baseball field and realized they don't have a catcher, so the drive a fence post in the ground behind the batter. The pitcher then throws a pool ball (not snewker like Zaltzman keeps running his mouth about) at the post. That is a hard and heavy ball, British arms aren't meant to handle that kind of blow, plus its harder to see then a baseball, so they drive over someone's bat and flattened it out. They mostly bunt the ball, then they runt he bases. Then you got the part played by the catcher, he goes bowling instead of hanging out with those crazies. I think that's what a bowler is in cricket, I hope to god they haven't dirtied the name of bowling."
"The British? I thought we invaded them during WWII and turned em into a suburb of New Jersey. Well, whatever they want to play, let em."
"Cricket? El error? ¿Por qué la gente con dinero para jugar con los insectos? Si yo tuviera dinero, me compraría una casa bonita. Oh, usted entiende el juego raro de la obra británica. ¿Por qué no puede simplemente jugar al fútbol?"Translation: "Cricket? The error? Why are people with money to play with insects? If I had money, I'd buy a nice house. Oh, you mean the odd game of British drama. Why can not just play football?"
Many people have had varying responses at different times and places to these statements.
- So far John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman have made no comment in the Australian press about the American responses to their national sport.
- Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother continues to sit on her large, dead posterior in relation to this, and any other, matter.
- The ninja's stalking Andy Zaltzman say "It's not that bad once you understand how the scoring works."
- The English Cricket captain, James Lillywhite, could not be reached for comment.
- Gordon Brown has done, is doing, and will do nothing.
Fuck you Chris